Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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