started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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