guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
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