dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
