is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Randomize
