no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
