the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
