so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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