you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
