The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
