Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
we're so committed to being not committed
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
