...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
