Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
