I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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