He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
