Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
