The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
