these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
