between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
