Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
