i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
