I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Randomize
