just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
