He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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