don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
