Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
