everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I love you.
Bad choice
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