he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
