my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
