Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
