She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
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