The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
