we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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