I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Randomize
