I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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