She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
