I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
