So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I could fuck to npr.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
