Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
