If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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