From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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