mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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