i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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