Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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