If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
