I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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