Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
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