I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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