I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
