I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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