spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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