Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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